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Dear Mr. Wade, I have an month old Labrador Retriever. She does not see me as the alpha "dog" and only listens to me when she feels like it. I know that she saw my ex as the alpha but it's just the two of us now and she's driving me crazy.
Jen
Hi Jen,
One word provides the answer – Clarity. Men without any conscious effort provide clarity. However, with the right sort of coaching, on average women are by far better dog trainers then we men are.
Those men that haven't been carried away “embracing their feminine side” send out “I'm in charge.” Here's an example. A man and woman both have had a hard day at work. It's a problem and it's fresh. A man is going to come home and outline what a jerk the problem is and how unreasonable the jerk is etc. Then he tells his beloved precisely what he's going to do about it. It's probably not what he's actually going to do but he's “got a plan.” All this is going on while he's grabbing something to eat, answering or making a phone call, finding his hockey equipment etc. Now a woman with the same problem is going to take the phone off the hook and say to her husband, “Sit with me. We need to talk.” If the fellow can get to the door (although he'll find it has been padlocked anyway) before she can get to him he avoid the marathon. If not, were he wise he would listen but not talk. Dogs may listen better to men but it sure isn't because we're wise. This hypothetical man will start in with, “Here's what you should do . . .” when she just wants him to listen. That in a nutshell is why dogs listen to men better then women and by no coincidence why so many men have become have ex-husbands and ex-boyfriends. In a dog's eyes, we provide clarity and women beat around the bush. Dog's see in us the potential for consequence.
Regardless, women have the potential to be better dog trainers then men because they see things that men don't see or we see too late. For example, a man and woman have come back from a social get together. The woman says to the man, “Did you see the way so and so was looking at so and so? A typical man's reply, “Were they there?” It's that ability to see nuance, something off in a child; did something happen at school? Are they coming down with something?” etc. This is an invaluable ability when training dogs. It allows the trainer to catch the idea before it turns into an action which leads to more subtle direction and quicker progress. However, it's useless without a woman embracing the male side of her personality.
This can be done without embracing flatulence, doing laundry only when the closet is empty and cleaning the tub only when you move. Femininity does not need to be cast aside. Just stop treating the dog like a child and start treating it like a boyfriend or husband that is being disrespectful and dismissive that needs to be set straight. I know you won't and you know you won't but your dog needs to believe for a couple of weeks that being cut loose is a real possibility. Otherwise you're just going to continue to be a door mat that provides meals and loving once in a while on another's agenda.
Here's a start. Leave a leash on your dog whenever you're together and absolutely insist the dog stay in one spot at each door way, the kitchen and the stairs until given permission to move and if you're having not luck in no more then 3 days contact a balanced trainer for help.
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Dear John,
We have a 2 year old Shih Tzu that we took to to obedience school. Never the less, she growls at children and is very fearful and timid. The younger the child, the worse she is, it seems 3 and under. We have an almost 3 yr. old grandson and another on the way. My daughter-in-law no longer wants her son around our dogs. We seem, so far, to have no problem if the child is older and of course the quieter the better as this dog is very timid and shy and I think uses her growling as protection. I am afraid someday she'll nip someone's small child.
-Maude
Dear Maude,
I'm with your daughter in law. Keep them separated, but not by separate rooms, separate provinces would be better. You describe a dog poorly socialized likely complicated by being wired with a low thresh hold for stress. You can't train that out of the dog anymore you could a person. Improve it? Maybe but not a job for the average dog owner so a Shih Tzu rescue may be your dog's best bet. It should be a one way trip though. With her history I wouldn't let my kids around her either.
Dogs poorly socialized before 12 weeks of age can have a hard time coping with the various human developmental stages. I've assessed countless dogs over the years and I've seen dogs that tolerated infants but feared those that crawled, and others that were okay until the toddling period began. Eight year old boys are particularly susceptible to dog bites due to their, “I know I'm not supposed to do this but I wonder why?” outlook on life.
Teaching your grandchild how to “behave” won't help. There are countless “Child Safety Around Dogs” programs to teach children how to behave around dogs but if we're to be honest and sweep aside the enthusiasm that their sponsors; veterinary associations, humane societies, government agencies etc., have for them what we would find hiding behind is that after decades, countless dollars and man hours there is no real evidence that any have ever produced significant results. One out of two children are still bitten by a dog before the age of 12 and with 25% requiring medical care.
This bugs me. I have a problem with any “Do Good” program that doesn't set a specific goal and realign its approach if those goals aren't achieved. I have a particular problem when those programs intended to protect children aren't getting results and everyone acts like they are. I like dogs but I love children. These programs seem to have it backwards and no one is telling the emperor he's not wearing any clothes.
The humane societies, veterinarians and trainers that provide the expertise behind these programs are wearing blinders. They think you can stop a child from being a child just because you say, “Don't”. Most children are smart enough to understand the safety around dogs lesson but when it comes to real life any parent knows that a child's reason does not over ride its normal impulsive nature. Your grandchild could have a doctorate in child safety around dogs and still get bitten.
We should spend the safety money instead on educating dog trainers that this current plague of “ignoring bad behaviour and rewarding good behaviour treat based” dog training is unnatural,dumb and dangerous. Make it mandatory for breeders to educate themselves on genetics and socialization and make them follow up on their litters. Finally educate people to stay away from buying breeds with physical and mental needs they don't have the time to channel.
John Wade www.johnwade.ca
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Hi John,
We have brought a bulldog cross now about 12 weeks of age. The nipping is getting a bit aggressive. Her teeth are quite sharp and have injured my wife and daughter. She literally hung by her tooth imbedded in the skin of my daughter's leg, needless to say my daughter has not warmed up to the dog since. She also left a sizeable bruise and distinct teeth marks in my wife's leg as well. I have little marks all up and down my wrists and hands. We do not believe in hitting with hands, newspapers or the like. We believe in positive reinforcement only. To date we have tried a water bottle, marbles in a little can, a firm no and of course many chew toys.
Steven B.
Hi Steven,
Spraying water, and shaking marbles in a can at a dog isn't positive reinforcement so I suspect you like many dog owners have been misled as to its definition. All positive dog training is a classic example of the Emperor's New Clothes fairy tale. I'm told by all positive trainers that their approach is based on science. Certainly not any practical sciences like biology, ethology, and psychology to name a few. It simply doesn't exist anywhere in nature but we keep being told to train our dogs that way.
Think of dogs, wolves, apes, human beings etc. Can you think of a single one that has young that was raised with all positive? None that are alive anyway. “Sweetie, don't play with the bear.” They're all about a balance of positive and negative. I'll be darned if some dog trainer that thinks that the dog is the only species on the planet that once it leaves its mother has to be treated like a deity is going to wreck my dog by turning it into a juvenile delinquent out of fear that a little discipline is going to wreck his self-esteem for life.
Here's a quote from a real all positive trainer I know; “I currently have a client whose arms were full of puppy nips.” She advised saying “Ack!”. If the ACK didn't work the client was to turn her back. Here is the joyous result, “By week 3 her arms were clear of marks. She was so happy, she showed all of us her arms and said "LOOK" !!!!!”
Three weeks to get results and they were ecstatic! If that had been the pups mother on the receiving end of those nips it would have been a 3 second trip into reality land with a final destination to the city of 3B's “Bye-Bye-Behaviour”. I can assure you that there wouldn't be any “Acking” or back turning, marbles in a can, or water bottles involved. She'd be on that pup like a politician on a pay out and there'd be yipping, yiping and yelping to beat the band, which translated into English would be, “Sorry mom!” Are you sure it was me mom?, Never again mom! I'll be more careful mom!” Once it was over the pups mother would have balanced the discipline with some loving.
Ask yourself, is that mother dog inhumane or is she just being a responsible mother teaching her puppy bite inhibition so that it can work well with other dogs as it grows up?”
Your alligator, (I mean dog) needs what nature designed for it, a balanced trainer - you. Not some slavering Cruella de Vil and not some sugar and spice everything nice, unicorn riding person with a treat pouch. You'll find a good balanced trainer will show you how to be a lot more subtle then your pup's mom would be. She probably had eight kids after all.
You really don't need this explained, you're raising a child but maybe you've found an all positive way of doing that and if so the country awaits your secret.
John Wade www.johnwade.ca
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Dear John, I am writing to you about our 19 month old golden retriever Bonna. She was given to us at 6 months old. We previously had a golden retriever. Bonna was taken from her mother early because her father had got in with the litter and killed all of the puppies but her. She was rescued from her fathers jaws. The first owners bottle fed her and became very close to her. Bonna dominated the first owners, a mother and daughter. Bonna, she is quick to learn but does not like to be told what to do. Sometimes when we pet her she growls and shows her teeth. She has bitten 3 people. My son was first, then she punctured my finger . The most recent incident was when my husband was petting her and she started to growl and show her teeth. He told her to stop. She bit his hand, and then his other hand. We have been talking about putting her down. I wanted to know if you think there is any help for Bonna. - Ella Hi Ella, You say Bonna is “quick to learn but does not like to be told what to do.” That is pretty much the assessment my ex-wife gave me on both my entry and exit evaluation interviews and I'd have to say that she perceived that as a fault and not a quality. I suggest you do as well. Bonna is a dangerous dog that would have been long gone in most households and is on the cusp of joining her less fortunate litter mates. Assuming that Bonna's problem is not associated with a brain injury due to her father's attempt at infanticide and his blood thirsty tendencies haven't been passed to her then maybe all she needs is an old-school attitude adjustment. That doesn't necessarily mean you're the people to do it. She's probably going to need someone with more dog experience to take her on and there are mighty few of those volunteering to take on dogs acting like meat grinders with a screw loose. I think it's fair to say that if one is yanked from the jaws of a homicidal father one is going to get a fair amount of sympathy. Concessions for bad behaviour may have been granted because “She's the one whose father tried to kill her.” Those days are done. Put her on parole with eventual release conditional upon exemplarily behavior for no less then a year. That means she drags a leash like it's an ankle monitor and you supervise her like she's the only teen age girl in a town full of teen age boys. If she's crate trained she's in there when you can't track her. Don't ask much of her for a week or two just get into her head by stepping on the leash, sometimes picking it up and leading her away from something she's doing. Don't make a fuss, just do it as if it were the most natural thing in the world. With the whole family, get her into a balanced training class. That's somewhere where “No means no!”, not “If it's not too inconvenient . . . or do you mind ?” A place where the consequences are as real as the rewards. If there is any chance of saving this dogs life and keeping others safe you're going to have to convey to her as my father conveyed to me, “This is my house, you just get to live here. Keep it up with that behaviour and I guarantee you tomorrow the house is still going to be here but you son . . . maybe not.”
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Hi John,
We have brought a bulldog cross now about 12 weeks of age. The nipping is getting a bit aggressive. Her teeth are quite sharp and have injured my wife and daughter. She literally hung by her tooth embedded in the skin of my daughter's leg, needless to say my daughter has not warmed up to the dog since. She also left a sizeable bruise and distinct teeth marks in my wife's leg as well. I have little marks all up and down my wrists and hands. We do not believe in hitting with hands, newspapers or the like. We believe in positive reinforcement only. To date we have tried a water bottle, marbles in a little can, a firm no and of course many chew toys.
Steven B.
Hi Steven,
Spraying water, and shaking marbles in a can at a dog isn't positive reinforcement so I suspect you like many dog owners have been misled as to its definition. All positive dog training is a classic example of the Emperor's New Clothes fairy tale. I'm told by all positive trainers that their approach is based on science. Certainly not any practical sciences like biology, ethology, and psychology to name a few. It simply doesn't exist anywhere in nature but we keep being told to train our dogs that way.
Think of dogs, wolves, apes, human beings etc. Can you think of a single one that has young that was raised with all positive? None that are alive anyway. “Sweetie, don't play with the bear.” They're all about a balance of positive and negative. I'll be darned if some dog trainer that thinks that the dog is the only species on the planet that once it leaves its mother has to be treated like a deity is going to wreck my dog by turning it into a juvenile delinquent out of fear that a little discipline is going to wreck his self-esteem for life.
Here's a quote from a real all positive trainer I know; “I currently have a client whose arms were full of puppy nips.” She advised saying “Ack!”. If the ACK didn't work the client was to turn her back. Here is the joyous result, “By week 3 her arms were clear of marks. She was so happy, she showed all of us her arms and said "LOOK" !!!!!”
Three weeks to get results and they were ecstatic! If that had been the pups mother on the receiving end of those nips it would have been a 3 second trip into reality land with a final destination to the city of 3B's “Bye-Bye-Behaviour”. I can assure you that there wouldn't be any “Acking” or back turning, marbles in a can, or water bottles involved. She'd be on that pup like a politician on a pay out and there'd be yipping, yiping and yelping to beat the band, which translated into English would be, “Sorry mom!” Are you sure it was me mom?, Never again mom! I'll be more careful mom!” Once it was over the pups mother would have balanced the discipline with some loving.
Ask yourself, is that mother dog inhumane or is she just being a responsible mother teaching her puppy bite inhibition so that it can work well with other dogs as it grows up?”
Your alligator, (I mean dog) needs what nature designed for it, a balanced trainer - you. Not some slavering Cruella de Vil and not some sugar and spice everything nice, unicorn riding person with a treat pouch. You'll find a good balanced trainer will show you how to be a lot more subtle then your pup's mom would be. She probably had eight kids after all.
You really don't need this explained, you're raising a child but maybe you've found an all positive way of doing that and if so the country awaits your secret.
John Wade
www.johnwade.ca |
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